


Pretty Shitty Bro

by Blackbeyond



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Background Shitty Knight/Larissa "Lardo" Duan - Freeform, Bro Code, M/M, Miscommunication, Pie Baking, Secret Relationship, Shitty and Bitty are Brothers, The Kitchen is a Sacred Place, excessive use of the word bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 20:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8461675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackbeyond/pseuds/Blackbeyond
Summary: Shitty doesn't know, oh.Shitty doesn't know-oh.So don't tell Shitty!Shitty doesn't know,Shitty doesn't know.SO DON'T TELL SHITTY!
Or the AU where Bitty and Shitty are related.





	

“Oh lord, Jack,” Bitty laughs, patting as his goof of a boyfriend struggled to get his sweater back on, “I think you grabbed mine instead.”

“Would explain why the arms suddenly don’t fit,” Jack sighs, falling over onto the bed as Bitty takes pity on him and helps to pull the strained cotton-blend fabric off of him.

“You’re supposed to be putting your clothes back on, honey,” Bitty tuts, “I’m not supposed to be taking you out of them again.”

“Mmm, Shitty’s out for a few more hours for Lardo’s show, we’ve got time,” Jack murmurs, burying his face into Bitty’s neck, wrapping his naked arms around Bitty and pulling the small blond into his lap. “Kind of just wanna lay here.”

“You’re so lazy,” Bitty sighs, feigning being put out, but following his boyfriend down as they laid down together. They didn’t get to do this often, with all the sneaking around.

Because fuck if Bitty wasn’t terrified about what would happen if Shitty ever found out he and Jack were fucking. Well, dating…but the sex was definitely a plus.

It’s not that Bitty was worried that Shitty would be homophobic, god no, his brother was probably the most supportive person for any gender or sexual identity anyone could ever have.

No, it was the stupid bro code Shitty swore by. And of course, in the top ten codes, was the whole “no bros shall hook up with their bros’ bros.”

_Bro._

-

“Bitty…Bitty, _Bitty_ , **Bits** , Bitsy, Itsy Bitsy Bitty, Itty-”

“Yes Shitty?” Bitty interrupts, looking up from his pie making. His brother slides up next to him and pouts.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were dating someone?” There’s a pause as Bitty processes the question and Shitty looks down at the pie. “Also why aren’t you making Key Lime pie?”

“Who told you I was dating someone?” Bitty manages to get out before his brain reaches the second question and he smacks Shitty’s hand away from the pie filling. “Key Lime pie is inferior to peach, you heathen.”

“Chowder says he heard…noises coming from your room.” Shitty waggles his eyebrows, “care to share baby bro?”

Bitty was going to kill Chowder. Or never bake him his favorite pie ever again. Yes…no pie for Chowder.

“Beyonce released new music,” Bitty sighs, struggling to come up with more explanations but keeping the facade of calm on his face. “I’ve been listening to her all week.”

“Is that really it?” Shitty presses with a frown, “you know I’d be fine with you dating, right Bits? I want you to be happy.”

“I know,” Bitty says softly, patting Shitty on the back, “and I am happy. With or without a boyfriend.”

The brothers share a moment of silence as Bitty continues to pat Shitty and Shitty absorbs the news.

“I’m going to find you a date for the Winter Screw,” Shitty decides, snapping out of his funk. “And it’ll be the best date, and you’ll be happy, and you’ll make me Key Lime pie!”

And with that he completely missed the point of what Bitty said and ran out of the room.

Jack walks by the kitchen just in time to see Shitty fumble up the stairs.

“Is he…okay?” Jack asks.

“Is he ever okay?” Bitty groans and fills his pie crust with the peach filling. “I’ve known the guy my whole life and I still don’t understand half of what he’s saying.”

“Unfortunate,” Jack laughs and crowds up behind Bitty, leaning down to rest his chin on the blond’s shoulder. “Peach pie?”

“Maple Peach pie,” Bitty confirms, cutting left over dough into strips for the lattice. “I finally found the right proportions so it isn’t ungodly sweet.”

“Bitty!” Shitty yells, rounding the corner into the kitchen. Bitty is calmly assembling the lattice for his pie while Jack is washing the used dishes. “Oh hey Jack.”

“Shits,” Jack nods, returning the air fist bump Shitty aims at him.

“Bits, bro, Bittyson,” Shitty continues, “do you like twinks or bears?”

Bitty pauses his assembling and stares at his brother. “Never say those words ever again.”

“But-”

“Nope. Swear on Ma.”

Shitty sighs, “I swear to Ma that I won’t use the t-word and b-word ever again.”

Bitty nods, satisfied, and continues his work on the pie. “I don’t have a specific type.”

“…That doesn’t help me at all,” Shitty sighs, “help a bro out Bits.”

“Just don’t try and set me up with a LAX bro,” Bitty concedes, and he hears Jack snicker by the sink, “hush Zimmermann.”

“Still doesn’t help.” Shitty strokes his mustache, about to ask another question when the front door slams and Lardo announces her presence.

“Andddd there he goes,” Bitty muses, picking up the pie and putting it in the oven, setting the timer while Jack dries the last of the dishes. Lardo waves at them as she trudges towards her room, Shitty hanging off of her while she tried to ignore him. 

“So why is Shitty trying to set you up?” Jack asks, stepping back behind Bitty and kissing the top of his head. Bitty melts into Jack, tangling his fingers with his boyfriend’s.

“Apparently Chowder heard us last week,” Bitty begins, and Jack’s face turns a wonderful shade of red, “I had to convince Shitty that I was moaning and groaning because of Beyonce. Couldn’t exactly tell him about the ton of muscle underneath me.”

“Oh is that all I am? A piece of meat?” Jack teases, lifting Bitty up onto the counter and situating himself between the younger’s legs. “So rude, I’ll have to do something about that.”

“Why Mr. Zimmermann,” Bitty purrs, wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck, “are you trying to seduce me?”

“Can you not seduce him in the kitchen?” Lardo asks, wandering in to grab a beer from the fridge. “We all eat in here.”

“Um…” Bitty whimpers as Shitty follows behind her. Jack burrows his face into Bitty’s neck and the blond smacks his shoulder. He wouldn’t be left to deal with this alone.

“I told you so,” Lardo says smugly, before Bitty can offer an explanation. 

“I can’t believe it,” Shitty sighs, “my bros hooking up…”

“I can ex-”

“…and not even telling me!” Shitty finishes. “I thought we told each other everything!”

“You aren’t upset?” Jack asks, peeking up at their audience.

“I mean, y’all are happy right?” 

“Yeah,” Jack and Bitty agree, grinning at each other. Shitty nods.

“I couldn’t be upset if my best bio bro and best bro bro were happy together. Just…tell me next time.”

“Next time I will relay the details of every thing Jack does to me,” Bitty says definitively. Shitty pales and Lardo laughs.

“Maybe not everything?”

“Too late,” Jack mumbles, pulling Bitty down into a deep and dirty kiss. 

_“BROS.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Come and tell me your ShittyBitty brother headcanons over on my tumblr, [unexpectedzimbits!](http://www.unexpectedzimbits.tumblr.com)


End file.
